"It's the way that the world works. Okay, pretty much all the time girls run around and feel bad about themselves. They're either too weak or too stupid to go home alone. Sometimes guys just win the lottery. That's it. It doesn't mean anything."
-Dawson's Creek
I can pinpoint the exact moment when I realized this. It was 5 something in the morning after the first Thirsty Thursday of the semester and I was walking back to Whoran. I was texting my friend (still drunk) "had sex. need morning after pill. fuck. wake me up".
When it comes to sex its not like I have this idea in my head that if I fuck him he'll like me, cause chances are I don't even like him. But in the moment when your lips are touching and your breath speeds up, you want each other. I don't think its romantic, I don't even think it's lustful. It's alcohol.
How many guys would I have slept if I wasn't drunk?
Ya know what. I'm trying to write this right now and I'm sober. It's making me frustrated. I fucking hate writing sometimes. And not because of the subject matter but because I hate that my sentences don't flow right and that I lost the point I was trying to make.
Sex may not mean anything to me. I may have low self-esteem. I like to be intoxicated.
I don't regret it.
I grew up. I'm not in high school. I don't even feel like I'm in college. And I don't want to settle down. I like my one night stands. I like when they stay that way.
I just need to get out of this school. This campus is too small and just because I don't regret anything doesn't mean I don't feel uncomfortable when I pass three guys I've fucked on the way to Marketing.
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