I always knew I'd be the other girl

He has a girlfriend and I don't care about that. That may make it seem like I lack morals.
I do question his morals because he is cheating on his girlfriend.

You're gonna tell the guys about this, aren't you?

It's really funny hooking up when watching something on TV.
I have had a guy say to me, while inside me, "Do you have any cleaning supplies?"
I have heard in the background, "Your pussy's on lockdown".

"Sex is funny, love is serious" -Stephen Jenkins

...especially when it comes to you

I am legit scared.

touch me like the boys that did me wrong

Ever wake up to a sleeping boy and think "wouldn't it be awesome if he just started fingering me"?
Girls get morning wood too.

these sheet's aren't stopping me

I was signed up for twitter. I just found myself on "twistori". I click on "I believe". One of the tweets that scrolls up my screen

"I think I believe in soulmates. (ily c.r.)"

I don't believe in "soulmates" and I don't believe in functional relationships.
I am really very simple.

I just hate those initials.

the worst crime is faking it

"It's the way that the world works. Okay, pretty much all the time girls run around and feel bad about themselves. They're either too weak or too stupid to go home alone. Sometimes guys just win the lottery. That's it. It doesn't mean anything."
-Dawson's Creek

I can pinpoint the exact moment when I realized this. It was 5 something in the morning after the first Thirsty Thursday of the semester and I was walking back to Whoran. I was texting my friend (still drunk) "had sex. need morning after pill. fuck. wake me up".

When it comes to sex its not like I have this idea in my head that if I fuck him he'll like me, cause chances are I don't even like him. But in the moment when your lips are touching and your breath speeds up, you want each other. I don't think its romantic, I don't even think it's lustful. It's alcohol.

How many guys would I have slept if I wasn't drunk?


Ya know what. I'm trying to write this right now and I'm sober. It's making me frustrated. I fucking hate writing sometimes. And not because of the subject matter but because I hate that my sentences don't flow right and that I lost the point I was trying to make.

Sex may not mean anything to me. I may have low self-esteem. I like to be intoxicated.
I don't regret it.

I grew up. I'm not in high school. I don't even feel like I'm in college. And I don't want to settle down. I like my one night stands. I like when they stay that way.

I just need to get out of this school. This campus is too small and just because I don't regret anything doesn't mean I don't feel uncomfortable when I pass three guys I've fucked on the way to Marketing.

boy made girl feel good, deep inside of you

Losing your virginity is a milestone in life. You will always remember which boy popped your cherry or you will always remember the first girl who was kind enough to let you stick your below average penis inside her. Ideally you would like your partner to be a virgin so that if you are a bad performer in bed they won't know what to expect based on previous encounters. But what happens when the playing fields are uneven? What if one team is the New York Yankees and the other is a 6-year old T-Ball team? I have found myself playing in that game. I was dressed in pinstripes.

I got to this point in my life where I was feigning for a v-card. It wasn't like I wanted to rock a virgins world or anything, I just wanted to be able to call someone up and be like "so I was looking through my wallet today and you know what I found? your v-card!" One night I found myself in a situation where I could finally be able to actually say those words in that order and have it be true! He was one of the guys we hung out with, soberly shy and sexually inexperienced. One night when he was over and drinking with us I had a drunken conversation with him about Entourage. Apparently that means we should be left alone on my bed to have sex. Ya know, I wonder if Marky Mark intended for the show to have this effect.

After taking this kids flower I felt pretty indifferent about the whole situation. I got what I wanted, but was that what he wanted? I guess it was. Well, on top of feeling like this I did something really really low. AC status.

Five days later while drinking in one of the dorms I thought, in my ossified state, it would be a good idea to hook up with him again. Maybe out of boredom. Probably out of convenience. I asked his roommate to see if he was awake. Negative. I was talking to my friends who collectively agreed that I should not attempt to walk back to my room. His roommate offered me his bed and thinking he's just my friend I took it, and I even told him he didn't have to sleep on the floor, because he was just my friend. Well, he turned into my friend who I slept with that night.

I slept with the virgins roommate 5 days after taking his virginity. In his room. While he was sleeping in the room.

I am such a cunt.